In the old world, being sexy was about particular grooming, tight-fitting clothes and makeup. Now, we know that being sexy has more to do with a certain je ne sais quoi. Although science has tried to measure what makes a person more appealing, most of us know that attractiveness can’t be boiled down to algorithms. Real sexiness is in the eye of the beholder.
But if you’re looking for ways to be more attractive, you’ll be happy to know most of it won’t cost you a dime and doesn’t take long at all. Here are 40 tips to be more sexy almost immediately.
And not just with your partnerâlooking everyone you’re interacting withÂ squarely in the eye won’tÂ only will boost your own confidence, but it’llÂ get people to see you as confident and in control, which usuallyÂ translates to sexy.
Sure, physical beauty is a key component inÂ innate sex appeal, butÂ dynamic attractiveness involves the expression of our emotions and our underlying personalityâand can critically boost your personal charisma. According toÂ Psychology Today, expressing positive affectâsmiling, employingÂ an upbeat attitude,Â havingÂ expressive eyes, are all associated with sex appeal.
A sharp, healthy mind can be akin to healthy body whenÂ it comes to being sexy. This means occasionally challenging yourself by having challenging conversation, expressing interest in new things, reading books on new topics, or even just watching a documentary about something you never knew. The more you know, the more you can talk about in an informed way, which is a defining factor in real sexÂ appeal.
Yeah, we know that razor-sharp wit isn’t something that can be learned, and we’re not all able to be truly funny all theÂ time, but not taking yourself or the world around you tooÂ seriously isÂ a key component in being sexy. Plus, everyone loves a good sense of humor.
Almost all of us can certainly attest than when our hair looks bad, we often feel bad. Turns out, that’s not all in our heads, either:Â Studies have shownÂ women spend around 20 years of their lives suffering from a bad hair day, and that it can greatly affect mood and confidence.
No, not because they’re attractive but because the glands in your wrists emit pheromones which can trigger feelings of attraction in others.
A study in theÂ Journal of Sexual MedicineÂ found that women who regularly didÂ yoga actually felt sexier. Why? Researchers say it could be because yoga encouragesÂ a stronger mind-body connection.
Along the way,Â lingerieÂ became synonymous with tawdryâdare we dayÂ porn-yâpieces that look as if they belong on people eagerly awaiting the arrival of the hot young pizza delivery guy. And while thatâs true in some respects,Â thereâs also quite a lot of very elegantly sexyÂ underpinnings out there that are sexy withoutÂ being tacky.
You’ve heard it before: Showing tons of skin does not always translate to sexy. Bootie shorts, skin-tight clothes, insanely low-cut tops all can make you look less sexy, or like you’re trying too hard.Â Love your body and want to show it off? Great! Do it ways that are truly sexy, as opposed to flashy.
Whether it’s the one fashion blogger who only posts bikini shots, a specific celebrity, or Victoria’s Secret’s Instagram, stop following people whose social media photos make you feel less than, even for a second. Social media is supposed to fun, not make you feel less sexy.
Yeah, we’re going there. PeopleÂ who masturbate know exactly what they like when they’re intimate with someone else, which only increases their sex appeal.
When clothes are too boxy, too long, or generally ill-fitting, it looks like youâre trying to cover up your body, whichÂ intrinsicallyÂ translatesÂ to generally un-sexy.Â No need to prance around in skin-tight numbers, but a well-fitting dress with a nipped waist and aÂ flatteringÂ hemline, a blazer that skims your body (and whose sleeves arenât too long), or pair of slim well-fitting jeans that just hit your ankle will show your figure in a way thatâs sexyÂ without being overt.
Need reading glasses? No shame in that! ButÂ itâs a known fact that most drugstore readymades arenât the most youthful. Instead, seek out a modern pair at sites likeÂ EyeBuyDirect or Coastal.Â Of course, itâs worth getting an eye exam to make sure you donât need a stronger prescription, in which case, your chic-specs options will be even larger thanks to hip affordable eyewear sites likeÂ Warby ParkerÂ andÂ Steven Alan Optical.
Full brows are associated with youth, while super-thin eyebrows can give your face a harsh appearance. As we age, our eyebrows gradually thin, but quitting the tweezers and using makeup to fill them inÂ canÂ work wonders, and completely change your face for the better.
UnbuttonÂ one extra button on your blouse, smudge your eyeliner, spritzÂ some salt spray in your hairâsometimes appearing as ifÂ you just had fun in bed can make you feelâand lookâextra-sexy.
According to sex coach Sean Jameson, slowing down your movements and your speech by around 10 percent can make you sexier now. For example, instead of rushing down the hallway, slow down and accentuate your movements. Another example: When you’re making a point, don’t wave your arms about quickly and erratically, orÂ ever feel like you have to get every word out of your mouth as quickly as possible.
This one is sexy in the literal sense: Even if you’re not tremendously assertive,Â initiate sex more often with your partner. This is hot in and of itself, but it’ll also imply to your partner than you truly enjoy sex, which is one of the biggest turn-ons.
A killer way to get a person’s attention in a sexy way?Â TouchÂ them very subtly on the arm or the back when you’re saying hello or goodbye, when you agree with something they’ve said, or if they’ve said something funny.
One of the quickest ways to feel sexier? Slip on a pair of heels. Not only do they give you an empowering boost, but theÂ right heels can make your clothes hang better, andâespecially if they’re the color of your skinâcan have a leg-lengthening effect.
Whether it’s at work or even something as small as taking an advanced fitness class instead of a beginner one, succeeding will you give you an air of confidence which will travel with you, making youÂ much sexier.
Obviously, comfy clothes are amazing, andâafter a long dayâthereâs nothing better than chilling out in sweats. However, if you notice that your sex life is either lackluster or non-existent, swap out the sweats once in a while for something thatÂ makes you feel sexy.Â If you feel it, your partner will feel it, too.
It’s not surprising that scent plays a big role in sex appeal, butâdespite what perfume companies would have you believeâyour best bet isn’t piling on a cloud of scented spray. In addition to good hygiene habits, a subtle spritz of a musky scent is fine, butÂ you should be letting your natural pheromones shine.
Instead ofÂ comparingÂ yourself to others who you think are sexy, take cues from them instead. For example, stop bemoaning the fact that you’re not as tall, thin, or bustyÂ as a Victoria’s Secret model, and start using things you know make them sexy to your advantage. This might mean taking an extra 30 minutes in the morning to create the same bombshell wavesÂ in your hair, getting a light spray tan, or rocking a push-up bra on date night.
Whether it’s a taking a dance class, trying a new restaurant in a new neighborhood, or booking a last-minute weekend getaway, trying new things can absolutely make you feel sexier.
Speaking of underwear, panty lines are never, ever sexy. Everyone should invest in nude, seamless underwear, or a good thong. Trust us on this one.
No matter what you look like,Â nothing willÂ knock your innate sex appeal down faster than being rude to people. You don’t need toâfor lack of a better phraseâkiss people’s ass and be phony, butÂ treatingÂ everyoneâwaitstaff, friends, new people, your eldersâwith basic kindness and respect is an attractive quality.
Much like getting your hair blown out, it’s often the small indulgences that make us look and feel our best, so making time for on a pro mani-pedi once in awhile can do wonders. You can skip the polish of you want, too.
Likewise, having a healthyÂ glow not only makes most people feel sexier, but it also has a slimming effect.
Anyone whoâs watched “How I Met Your Mother” knows that Barney Stinson often references the “cheerleader effect,” when average-looking women appear more attractive as a group. Turns out, he may be onto something: People do come off as more attractive when theyâre part of a cliqueÂ than they do alone, according to a study published in the journalÂ Psychological Science. Read about it here!
Lots (and lots) of rock stars, writers, actors, and artists aren’t traditionally attractive, but there’s a reason why they seem so damn sexy: talent. There’s something primally attractive about someone with strong skills, so take time to develop whatever it is you’re gifted in.
This doesn’t necessarily mean spending a lot of money on material items like an It-bag, but ratherÂ investing effort into the things you know for a fact make you look and feel sexy, whether it’s something small like some bras and underwear, something transformative like keratin treatments, or something brainy likeÂ signing up for a class.
If you want something that you believe you deserve, if you know you’re correct, or if your date suggests going somewhere you don’t want to, speak up. Being assertiveÂ is different than merely being pushy, and happens to beÂ a sexyâand admirableâquality. Wishy-washy can get real old, real fast.
When it comes to our looks, we all have certain attributes we like better than others, so why not make them the first thing people see when they look at you? Got lips to rival Angelina Jolie? Play them up with gloss.Â Love your striking blue eyes? Make them pop with mascara, liner, and strongÂ brows. Got great legs? Swap the boyfriend jeans for a pair of skinnies.
Put as much effort into your appearance as you wantÂ beforeÂ youÂ go out, but when you’re around people,Â focus your energy on making solid conversation instead ofÂ running to bathroom to brush your hair, reapply yourÂ lipstick, or check the mirror every five minutes. Overt vanity is not sexy.
Sure, it can be sexy and natural to have sex in the dark, but try keeping the lights on once in a while. Not only will this feel more spontaneous, but itâll allow both of youÂ to really see each other, which can be super-hot. Not loving the harsh glow of your bedroom lamps? Light a bunch of candles, or buy a dimmer.
Obviously, you always want to look your best, but wearing six-inch stilettos you can’t walk in, or a dress thatâs so tight you can’t freely move around isn’t sexy at all.Â Instead, wear things you know look good on you but wonât hinder you from being cool, calm, and collected.
This isÂ aÂ big one: The act of obsessively checking your phone every two minutes could be a bona-fide deal breaker when it comes to sex appeal. Thereâs nothing ruder than trying to have a conversation with a person whoâs constantly staring at their screensâwouldnâtÂ youÂ be put off ifÂ someoneÂ were paying more attention toÂ theirÂ iPhone than to you? Being present is sexy. Being preoccupied is not.
On a date (or anytime youâre with another human, really) itâs a good bet that asking questions will always ensure flowing conversation. However, if you start grilling someoneÂ on politics, religion, theirÂ exes, orÂ how much cash theyÂ pull in, you’re going to look nosy and abrasive, rather than sexy and seductive.
This might sound harsh, becauseÂ weÂ know youâre not boring, but if peopleÂ ask you questions, and you giveÂ one-word answers, roll your eyes, or seem generallyÂ disinterested, you’re not doing yourself any favors. Even if you look like a supermodel, people are most turned on by stimulating conversation, eye contact, and personality.
Loving yourself for who you are and being comfortable in your own skin is the sexiest thing in the world. Be yourself and your sexiness will shine through.
A version of this article was originally published in March 2016.Â